Let Not Man Separate

I recommend you guys to read this… I read it three times… Yes it is long but believe me, its worth it. I promise.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

SOURCE: BUBBI’S BLOG

GOALS: SEPTEMBER 2011

1. Lose 3 kgs
2. Read four books
3. Keep a food journal for the month
4. Prepare healthy breakfast for a week
5. Walk/jog/run every day except on Sundays
6. Watch 5 movies

Death of A friendship

Friendship.. such a beautiful thing.. but have you ever been broken apart by someone who you thought was your closest friend? Did your friendship just end overnight and you don't have a clue why? Are you trying as much as you can to find out what went wrong? Are you still hoping that there's a chance for you two to get back along? Does your head and heart keep wondering why? why? why?...



Daijoubu..Its just like how Darren sings If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart, If you need to crash then crash and burn, You're not alone.. :)

Here's a poem I came across today, to know that many people out there are going through similar things and to know that you are not alone in this world, that we are here to support and lift each other up from the fall.. :)


Your letters seem like form letters
I get in the mail.
I try not to let it bother me
but my feelings are quite frail.

No salutation
No how do you do,
No real ending
or what is happening with you?

So much that has happened.
All now forever in the past.
I tried again to write to you,
but how much longer can it last?

I try to keep my letters upbeat,
doing my best to not complain.
I talk about other things
the leaves, the wind, the rain.

Did it really mean that much
or was I just unaware?
I tried my best to be a friend
but you do not seem to care.

I felt we had a bond
I shared with you my pain.
Then when I had to ask a favor
right away I felt a strain.

I had broken one of your rules
and I did not even know.
Something came up
and you would not let go.

So now the bond is broken
and I must move on.
The pain is real, it hurts so much
For the death of a friendship that has now gone.

It shouldn't end this way...

by Brenda Sparkman






Accepting that its really over will free you from all the negative feelings inside you.. Don't try to pretend that it doesn't matter to you or is not hurting you or you are totally fine with it. Let all your feelings out.. do not keep them bottled inside and put a brave front on the outside..Let this experience in your life run its course.. Let it prepare you to be a greater person for the future :)

Pass this on to all your friends :) Let this help our friends out there who are going through a tough time..

With lots of hope and encouragement, Sakura :)

Its RESOLUTION time!

And so it begins.. every new year several resolutions are made with renewed determination. I'm no different from the rest of the world. I usually have a list put up in my room on new years eve and that's about it. I've never read the list twice. Never. This year, I gave up on the list making process and guess what came my way? Things that I can actually resolve to do this new year ^_^ Lets see what they are :)


10 things to help make your new year bright:


1. Leave the hurts of 2010 where they belong..in 2010!

2. Make this year the year you make some goals. Goals are dreams with deadlines!

3. Dare to be different in everything you do!

4. Encourage, compliment or say something kind to everyone you talk to.

5. Live like a leader...not a follower.

6. Stop avoiding confrontation. Take control of your life and deal with all things you want to change and the ways that people treat you.

7. Make a change- in anything, relationships, your hair, career, friends.

8. Only have friends that make you a better person...some negative, rude, depressing friends, that make you feel bad...may need to stay in 2010! (ha ha ha)

9. Dare to live life and make choices even if your not promised the outcome. (people who have changed the world or accomplished great things...did things without knowing if it would work or not!)

10. Expect greatness, seek happiness, and don't let any circumstance, person, or situation steal your joy. You are the owner of your happiness...don't just let any ol' thing or person take it from you!



I found this in KANDEE's blog and you can read the original post here :

Hope for the NEW YEAR! (click on it)

There's a really cute video too!! make sure you watch it!! ^_^

Once again, Happy New Year guys!!! :)

HOLIDAY RAVINGS part 4 (training spl again!)

When the other batch mates talked about Blue Lotus, it sounded absolutely terrifying. We heard they made people dance and sing and other stuff I could never imagine doing in a room full of strangers. I was determined to refuse any kind of activity that involved singing or dancing. Also, there was this thing about splitting and re-grouping the batches according to best, good and average. They wanted to bring about little changes to our minds and personalities or so they say. Blue Lotus was basically hell on earth. At least, that’s what I thought.



We had rooms in the third floor for Blue Lotus and when the trainer entered in, he asked us to be seated in two concentric circles. Once that was done he asked us to arrange ourselves into rows for an aptitude test. The purpose of the test was to know our apps level and hence decide the amount of time to be allotted for aptitude during training. We were given blank sheets and a question paper. The trainer asked us to work out the problems on one side of the paper and write the answers on the other side. The test lasted for 30 minutes. When the trainer asked us to stop writing and submit the papers, we dint, immediately of course. He then said “The last five who submit will dance an audience request!”. There was a stampede as we rushed madly and thrust the paper in his hands in hopes of not making it to the last five. After the rush, we sat down in our rows and the trainer said “We will know if you have worked out the answers or just copied it from your friends by checking the working out part on the other side of the paper”. He then gave a sly grin and yelled “get back into the circles you formed before I count to 5! People left out will dance and sing!”. Chairs scrapped against each other while we fell into another mad stampede to get back into our original positions. We were short of breath and we all started laughing :D


Next, we played a game. We were asked to count out loud numbers. The person who gets an even number should say ‘yes’ instead. I failed miserably and got pulled out along with other not so attentive ones. The trainer asked about my hobbies and I said “nail art, making AMV’s and reading books”. He smiled and asked me to sing a song for my friends and I ended up singing the cuppy cake song :D after this, we did some apps.


The next game we played was Simon says where the trainer says “Simon says to sit” “Simon says to jump” etc and we have to do accordingly. If he says “sit” “jump”, we shouldn’t do anything. It was so much fun!!! They tried to split us to three batches again but people got annoyed and a big argument ensued. So we were put back into our original batches.


We had a meeting kind of on the second day called ‘Turning Point’ for all the batches together which was even more fun even though it got a bit saturating as time went by. We were seated in the conference hall (I came late!!) and they had already started some kind of a game by the time I arrived. It was utter chaos. The reason? We were asked to sit in such a way that no two boys or girls sat together. People scampered here and there. Fortunately I found a seat nearby to where I entered (I was relocated later on since there was a seat between two guys and they wanted me there so that they don’t get caught). Unfortunately, girls are less in number in my college and a bunch of boys were stranded. They were asked to ball dance by paring with partners of the same height X_X


While this performance was taking place, a guy from my department entered the hall. The trainer caught him and another girl who escaped by giving a dance performance while the boy stood like a statue. The trainer then called his department girls (which included me) and we had to dance around him in a circle to a weird song. Following this there were more dance, singing and other performances and the winners were given chocolates. There was a contest for the most confident person and the girl who won it got 1000 bucks as a prize. We also had a lecture on various skills that we need to exhibit during the interview.

The next day we had apps and GD’s. They filmed us in GD and replayed it for the whole class to see in order to point out the mistakes we make. Non verbal communication (NVC or body language) is very important and the taught us how we should be during the GD. The topic given to my group was “does internet spoil the students?” which was relatively easy. The purpose of giving an easy topic was to help us focus on our NVC while we are intently discussing.

The last was the stress interview. There’s only one word to explain it, bizarre. We were asked really weird questions. Some students got very angry due to the nature of the questions while some laughed it off. Some were in tears while others were simply indignant. Emotions raged and electrified the room’s atmosphere. Of course we had to maintain our NVC which was the main point of the interview.

By the end of the day, Blue Lotus was a pretty good experience for they certainly have brought about that little change in me :)

HOLIDAY RAVINGS part 3 (training spl)

Let’s talk about placement training week. It was better than I expected. Seriously, my stomach was squirming painfully the night before the training started because all my friends were in different batches! We could either opt for 14 or 7 days training and I went for the latter, blindfolded (for obvious reasons of course). The 7 days ‘optees’ were divided into 7 batches like s1, s2, s3 etc and each batch had around 60 students. All the departments were mixed. When I entered the class, I found only a couple of people from my department. The whole idea of this mix up was to teach and encourage the art of mingling and getting to know each other. We were suddenly asked to talk to boys! X_X.



The first 3 ½ days we had C-CAT teach us aptitude (apps) and soft skills. It wasn’t all that fun. They were just plain ‘mokka’. From 8am till lunch i.e 12.15pm, we had apps and from 1pm till 4.30pm we had soft skills or vice versa. Apps covered a few boring topics while soft skills was a little better. We had TAM (talk a minute) sessions, storytelling, celebrity and press, case study, group discussion (GD) and finally the mock interview. I dreaded the GD’s because I’m more of the listening type. I had no intention of discussing anything with anyone. The topics were really weird like the one we got ‘there is no right way to do a wrong’ which was the topic given to the previous group that came up for GD. Why, you ask? Well, it was because the staff didn’t find any aggressiveness in the previous batch’s performance. I had no clue what to say and hence I blabbered something for the sake of having to blabber.



They kept splitting us into groups again and again, which, I found a little annoying. The boys were lightning speed when it came to doing apps. They had the answers before I even read the questions X_X which means I have to ‘hone’ my apps skill @_@. The case study was good; I have no complaints about it. Storytelling failed to interest me. I dint get to do a TAM, so no comments. My group sent me as the press person who had to interview the 3 celebrities from another group. I had no idea who those three people were and ended up standing blankly on the stage. I dint volunteer for the interview and with that the C-CAT training session ended. Phew!! :)



UP NEXT!!! Blue Lotus @ HOLIDAY RAVINGS part 4 (training spl again!)!!! Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than the one above!!! :)

HAVE A WONDERFUL AND BLESSED DAY MY FRIENDS!!! :) :)

A SILVER LINING

Fifth semester seems to bring a ray of hope. Compared to the last semester, the staff we have now are practically Heaven sent. The subjects have also become relatively easier because of the hours spent in rapt attention to what is being taught. And I find myself being more organized than ever!

For one thing, I do my homework without fail. Something that's unheard of. Secondly, I finish my record and observation at home. My friends don't take kindly to this since they do half the work at coll while I sit and hum my favorite song. And thirdly, I cant believe I'm actually letting this secret out though it means I'm gonna be tortured to death by an angry mob of friends, I study for those aptitude tests held at coll. Seriously, End of the World must be very near.

Its a different scenario at home too. Earlier, all I can manage to do is hit the sack on returning home. But these days I seem to be so full of hidden energy that it takes all my self control to go to bed at 11pm. I wonder if its all the reservoirs of untapped energy that got stored away during the hols responsible for this? And I've got so many topics on hand to prepare for those seminar periods!!

What can i say? Since I'm gonna bomb, might as well go nuclear :D

When the mind is set

There are four lines at the back of my writing pad.

When the mind is set,
Success comes easy.
Make victory your habit,
Do well in exams.

The model exams got over last week and I had a hectic time like always. But there was a positive change in my attitude towards it. Unlike the usual, when I used to complain and blame each and every soul around for enrolling me in such a hell of a college, I decided to do some proper studying and guess what?? I ended up surprising myself.

Here’s an account of what I did during that week.

SUNDAY:

5-8am : studying

8-9am: breakfast

9:30am-1:30pm: studying

2-4pm: nap time

4.30-8pm: studying

8-9pm: dinner

9-11pm: studying

11pm- 5am: sleeping


MONDAY-SATURDAY:


6.30-11am: college

1pm-2pm: home. Lunch.

2pm-4pm: nap

4.15-8pm: study

8-9pm: dinner

9-11pm: study

11pm-1am: sleep

1.15-5am- study again.

6.30-11am: college

That one week was nothing short of hell itself. But I was determined to stick to this schedule and make up for the time wasted without touching my books. And when I went through the question paper after a short prayer, I seemed to know the answers to almost all the questions, something that has never happened for the past three years. The joy of being adequately prepared made me want to do it again and again. Of course, I couldn’t write the answers ditto though. My poor brain, having suffered a lot of freezing, damaging and wrecking for the past three years has evidently lost its capacity to retain things as before. But its revival has started and very soon I’m expecting it to be as grasping and sharp as it was during the school days.

Where did this determination come from? No, it wasn’t a self motivating act. I’m more like this sort of depressed teenager when it comes to anything related to my college. But One person in my life made this happen. Pintoo. His dedication and hard work motivated me and made me want to be a better person. And then I said to myself, “Why cant I work at least as half as hard as him? Am I that incapable of education?. No, I’ve just let the feeling of misery, frustration and anger that I have against my college and that school get the better of me.”

And that’s how I ended up studying sincerely. I’m not worried about the marks I’m going to get. Nope. I’m just happy and satisfied that this time, I gave the exams a better shot than before.

The best.. is yet to come.

Lesson well learnt

When you give a person your trust, all u expect in return is for them to save it..and when they don't how do u feel??.. i for one definitely don't feel good. especially when its your own classmates. what happened today might be a really small issue that doesn't require me to get all worked up about.. but the very fact that i trusted this person to get the job done and the person letting me down is .. i don't know what it is but I learnt my lesson. a good lesson with a moral that goes "never ever trust anyone in anything. when you want something done , get it done yourself. else you'll be the loser."

of course, this does not apply to my best buddies like Pintz to whom I can trust my life with knowing for sure they'll save it.. besides Pintz was the one who made me realize The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person... :)